The old count is dying. Princess Marya spends her time torn between mourning him and wishing for the end. She is able to admit to herself that after he dies, she might somehow be able to have a life of her own. Maybe even find love... have a family of her own. But she's aware of the conflict. Her father must die for that to happen & it's the devil's work for her to wish for his death... Poor Marya.
from page 141-143, Volume 2 original text
Pevear/Volokhonsky translation page 713-714